Nice puzzle - try to crack it .....

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the b! us. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

! Still you couldn't, Then see below.........

think hard

common yaar.............

tired....

wanna know the answer????

ok........ there is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,

therefore electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he

was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!

Corporate email etiquettes

Here are some points on email etiquettes that will definitely help:

1. The font of mail should be Verdana and font size should be 9.5 or 10.

2. The mail should have a Pyramid Structure i.e. , it should contain:

* Situation: What’s the current situation is

* Action items: What you expect from the reader of the mail to-do

* Information: The information you want to give to the reader

* Conclusion: Conclude with a Thank You.

3. For writing use only Black or Blue color. For highlighting purpose make the word bold. Avoid using Red color as Red signifies danger, so use it when urgent.

4. For greetings in mail:

* For Americans: use Hi

* For Europeans: use Hello

* For Asians: use Dear (Don’t misuse this suggestion.  )

To be more formal we could use Dear Mr. /Ms. followed by Last name or Full name. We should not use Dear Mr. /Ms. followed by First name alone.

5. We should not put ‘/’ in greetings like Hi X/Y. Instead we should say Hi X and Y.

6. We should not use ‘Thanks and Regards’. Instead we should say:

Thank you

Regards

<Your name>

7. For requesting something we should not use can, instead we should use could.

8. We should not write ‘Please find the attached file’ because the reader does not have to find or search for the file in the mail it’s already there. So instead we should write ‘The file has been attached for your reference‘.

9. We should not use sentences like ‘As per your mail’ because ‘per’ is used only with units like per Kg etc. Instead we should write ‘According to your mail‘.

10. We should use parallel structure. Parallelism enables readers to read documents more efficiently. For e.g. The analysis will include planning, organizing, dividing and assessment. Instead assessment we should write Assessing of turnaround functions.

11. In our mails we often write ‘Please revert back’. Instead we should only write ‘Please revert‘ as ‘revert’ is nothing but getting back.

12. For the Signature in mail, if we are sending to people in our company only then we should not write our company name in the signature because they already know that we are part of the same company but if we are sending mail to an external party like client etc then we should write our company name in the signature because there we have to brand our company name in front of others.

So, now on, your e-mails will rock, right? 

Cute little story..worth reading

A Boy and a Girl were Playing Together,

The Boy had a Collection of Marbles..and

The Girl had some Sweets with Her..!

The Boy told the Girl that

"he will give Ger all His Marbles In Exchange for Her Sweets.."

The Girl Agreed.....

The Boy kept the biggest and the most Beautiful Marble Aside....and gave the Rest to the Girl..!But The Girl gave Him all Her Sweets...as She had Promised..=)

That Night, the Girl Slept Peacefully,.....But the Boy couldn't Sleep as He kept Wondering...If the Girl had Hidden some Sweets from Him.....the Way He had Hidden His best Marble..=(

->Moral of the Story:

If you don't give your 100% in a Relationship,

you'll always keep Doubting;

If the Other Person has Given His/Her 100% !!

This is Applicable for any Relationship..

Give Ur 100% to Everything U do & Sleep Peacefully..! =)

Twelve tips to climb the corporate ladder

• Master your current job.

• Volunteer to take on (valuable) extra tasks.

• Make your boss look good.

• Stay in close contact with the HR department.

• Maintain positive relationships with the staff.

• Let your leadership skills shine.

• Groom a successor.

• Get a mentor.

• Take additional training.

• Look presentable at all times.

• Perfect your elevator pitch.

• Watch your timing.

Advantages of National ID card - Pls go through conversation in full

Nandan Nilekani's dream - how the national ID card will work....!!!

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu.....

Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ?"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints].....!!!

THE TRUE INSPIRATIONAL STORYOF PHANEESH MURTHY !!

Phaneesh has been on the road travelling to various iGate offices. "It's been gruelling," he says. "The passion level is high but we still have to do a lot of hard work before we realise value from that passion." That's as much an admission as a confession from the man, who, even close associates say, never had to try too hard to make things happen. This time it is different. He doesn't have as disciplined a cadre as he had at Infosys. He does not have as charismatic and far-sighted a guru as N.R. Narayana Murthy ('NRN') to open doors. Neither does he have as capable a strategist as Nandan Nilekani. "Sometimes I wonder if it was all a fluke. I really want to test myself again," he told a friend recently, referring to his innings at Infosys. The innings was not supposed to end the way it did.

It wasn't even supposed to begin that way. Phaneesh wanted to study medicine. But, instead, listened to his father, appeared for the IIT JEE, got a 132 all-India rank and did the obvious: joined. The IIT years were pretty uneventful otherwise. Phaneesh recollects that at IIT he was quite a "vela character".

In 1985, when Phaneesh finished his Bachelor's, he heard the song of the medicine man once more. "This time I took the test for medical schools in the US and applied to the Top 5 schools," he says. Harvard made him an offer with financial aid. Once again his father asked him to wait a while. He took the CAT and was selected to IIM-Ahmedabad. His ability to think big started right there. "Once we were trying to raise funds for an event and we had kept the sponsorship price at Rs 5,000. I said let's take it to Rs 10,000, and it worked," he says.

When he left IIM-A, FMCG was big. The Nirma versus Hindustan Lever battle was drawing to a close; most people from the top of the class headed for a Lever or a Britannia. Phaneesh made the first unconventional decision of his life. He chose Sonata Software, a start-up in a tiny industry. To put things in perspective, TCS, a $1-billion company today, had a turnover of $15 million in 1987. "I did not find soaps intellectually stimulating. I wanted to do product management. In soaps or industrial products, most of the product definition is rarely changed. In software, you can use the customer feedback to improve the product," says Phaneesh. In Sonata, he also started on his first Mission Impossible. Design and sell a software for the Indian market. All the heroics were in vain though. The Indian IT industry was undergoing a disruptive change.

TCS started the offshore business model in mainframes in 1989. Soon Indian firms figured that a dollar was 17 times better than a rupee. Phaneesh realised the domestic software industry would not go anywhere. Indians could not take advantage of great products as they were just not ready for automation.

And then, in 1991, India Today carried an advertisement.

The India Today Advertisement

It was a two-page recruitment advertisement for a company called Infosys. There was a small line at the end of the ad: "We also need a marketing manager for the US. Should be willing to relocate and travel extensively." The position did not require major qualifications. "I said this is a company that needs some serious marketing help. For every other post advertised they had at least a paragraph of qualifications!" Phaneesh hit it off with Nandan. And then the turn came to meet NRN, who would be his mentor, guide and, ultimately, his judge.

NRN thought Phaneesh couldn't do the job. Phaneesh did not smoke, drink or eat meat; NRN thought he would not last. But he liked the fact that Phaneesh was a numbers-driven, facts-oriented marketing guy. The deal was done. But before that, a target had to be set. Nandan, domestic business head Vijay Kumar and Phaneesh sat down to set one for the first year. "I told $1 million," Phaneesh says. Why? "Because it was a nice number!" Nandan agreed. Infosys' turnover was about $2 million then. Vijay Kumar was bewildered and asked Nandan: "Aren't you going to ask him how he will get $1 million?" And Nandan replied: "That's his problem. If he wants help, he will ask." Phaneesh was told that he had one year to show results.

Coming To America

His first negotiations were anti-climactic. He was dealing with Apple Computers. "When I went back with the contract I found the entire team... on the deal had been sacked. I admired them. They (knew) it not personal, not stigmatic. It happened and you moved on," he says.

The years after 1992 saw a huge acceleration in IT offshoring. "We were getting so much work that when I bagged a huge order somebody said 'Shit! That means we will have to work more'," says Phaneesh. The big break came in 1994. Infosys was pitching to Nordstrom for a sale order management system. "I studied all the literature and approached the CIO. They liked the proposal but thought we were not familiar with the US market and so, gave us the merchandising system to develop." It was Infosys' first-ever million-dollar contract

That is also when Phaneesh started building up the sales organisation. His rules were simple: agree on certain things - like not signing unlimited liability clauses, deciding on targets - and you have a free hand. That was the only one way to handle the salesforce and the bigger accounts that Infosys was trying to bag. "I met Phaneesh on his return trips to India every three months. He would be full of questions: How's so-and-so? Where have you been recently? What's the feedback on that firm? He remembered everything you told him," says T.G. Ramesh, founder, Bangalore Labs, who now works with Phaneesh.

The sales team grew after 1994 and threw up stars like Basab Pradhan, Srinjay Sengupta and Shobha Meera. "He created the 'two cultures' of Infosys. The process-driven, conservative software developers... (and) his team that was answerable only to the board," says a source in Infosys. Phaneesh feels it was more the customer-facing culture that he developed. "I believe people who interact with the customers should drive the organisation. As for a free hand - the only way you get high performance is if, after an initial watch period, you give a high degree of autonomy."

In 1996, that point was proved. For the first time Infosys went head-to-head with a formidable consulting firm - Cambridge Technology Partners (CTP). The contract was for about $9 million. CTP bid $8 million. Phaneesh and his team's math: total cost, including profits, of $4 million. The majority was for quoting this price. The sales team figured it would be a mistake: the client would think they had no idea of the project's complexity. So the team doubled the bid to $8 million. Infosys got the project. It was a crossing of the Rubicon. Infosys could beat the heavy guns at their own game.

Such victories made the man who was once a doubting Thomas, a believer. NRN became like a father to Phaneesh. Phaneesh had been a Maths Olympiad top scorer; NRN loved to communicate in mathspeak. "You could be discussing at a dinner table and these guys would start. It would begin with problems and degenerate into discussing the greatest mathematician of all times," says a person who was at one such dinner. The relationship grew till Phaneesh broke the inverted first law of robotics: "A human may not injure a machine, or, through inaction, allow a machine to come to harm." That machine was Infosys. Phaneesh had already met Reka Maximovitch. "He tried to hurt the company. He tried to hurt Infosys," says a person who knows NRN really well.

Phaneesh had one last victory. He says he won the $37-million Greenpoint deal for Progeon. But the stories of his power within Infosys, his conduct, his putting the firm at grave risk, grew and grew. And on 23 July 2002, Phaneesh resigned. Some say he was "de-risked".

Is there something in the last two years that Phaneesh would have wanted to change? "That's a very open question. But tell you what - to go back and study medicine; that's what I want."

25 WAYS TO IMPRESS YOUR GIRL

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words fcuk you and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop b*tching about the cold right now you're going to be b*tching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like drinking beer.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.

BEST " IT INTERVIEW " EVER

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Guys u will like it…..

!!!!!!!!!!! One of the best IT interviews!!!.................
..........
IT 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY........!!!!!!!!!!!


Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.


Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.</div>

You'll enjoy this more if you would have seen Pyar ka punchnaama famous seen :-)

Guys u will like it…..

!!!!!!!!!!! One of the best IT interviews!!!.................

..........

IT 4 INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY........!!!!!!!!!!!

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had

never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission into it ..

What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in

12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not

invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I

will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this

college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be

related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete

your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But

you know, these cricket matches and football

world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.

So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took

4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I

will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,

thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think

they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be

banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never

thought I would complete it. In fact, when i

flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus

corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'

education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms

have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my

current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have

experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet

in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a

higher version than VB. I heard very soon they

are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e

times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining

BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know

Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to

dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And

very important - I know few words like -

'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',

'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer

Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not

have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear

t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so

as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term

preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer

US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in

China in the current year, I don't mind

going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't

have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

Tips for New Employees

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In a few days we all will be heading towards the most important transition of our life. Its important to make a good first impression and continue with it . I have complied a list of points that might help you it getting that good impression :

1. Be yourself
2. Have a Positive Attitude
3. Dress Professionally/Blend in With Co-Workers
4. Don’t Be Too Aggressive
5. Show Your Team Spirit
6. Show appreciation
7. Be helpful
8. Ask for help
9. Ask for feedback
10. Learn Co-Workers' Names Quickly
11. Be a Self-Starter; Take Initiative
12. Take Notes
13. Discover Everything About Your Employer
14. Work Full Days
15. Establish a Good Attendance Record
16. Avoid Office Politics and Gossip
17. Listen More than Talk
18. Keep Your Boss Informed -- of Everything
19. Meet and Network with Key People in Organization &amp; Profession
20. Understand the big picture
21. Get and Stay Organized/Set Goals
22. Feel responsible

All been said most important is to be genuine, because if you try to fake something you wont be able to do long, and when it goes down it takes everything with it.
Hope you find all this useful, cheers!! Enjoy !! </div>